Behind the Scenes

I want to add to what I wrote yesterday ~ I want to speak to the immense amount of support I received to get from where i was to where I am. 

that if my parents hadn't sent me some cash, without knowing what it was for, I couldn't have made my exile from the order, as swiftly as I was able. If my sister hadn't given me a soft landing spot in Portland, I wouldn't have had anywhere to go. If my brother hadn't called me every day, I wouldn't have had any companionship along the way. 

If it weren't for the kindness of my work mates, when I broke down to pieces and couldn't leave my house, I would have felt more shame than I already did. If my other brother and sister in love hadn't let me stay at their home indefinitely, I wouldn't have been stable enough to try to build my life back up. 

If my friend hadn't held me after having an anxiety attack, I may have taken extreme measures to soothe my ache. If I hadn't met the raddest group of solo mamas, I wouldn't have EVER known my options or taken the plunge. If my bestie hadn't called me at the perfect time from overseas to check in on me when I was making the final decisions about attempting to conceive, I may not have had the courage. If my dearest little G hadn't been here for the start of my darkest hour postpartum, we may not have survived.  

There are so many more "ifs and wouldn't haves" to say, and maybe I'll keep saying them as time passes. All this to now say, it takes a fucking village, y'all & I want my village to know I see you, I know you, I love you, and I will always know you are woven into the fabric of my being & our story.